P.S: The Emotional Drama You Forgot to Mention

The more I learn, the more helpless I feel
All the people around me, I see them wearing sadness
I get on this train thinking it will take me to a place
But when I get down, its a different station altogether
The ticket says otherwise but I wonder why I am lost
I connect my eyes with theirs, all I hear is pain
Is it because I am dead inside? Rotting away? 
I Set my home here, at a wrong place, thinking
Lets start afresh and find the correct station, correct people
But the trains, they seem confused with my tickets and destinations
I try to switch off the light inside my head to fall asleep
But this child, the scared and confused one turns it on
Ah how lazy I feel to get up and turn it off again
As a result, I dream of sleeping while I stay awake
Or am I sleeping and dreaming of staying awake? 
Feels like the gravity is pulling my heart down into an abyss
Its way too heavy to carry anymore
Sometimes I paint wings and wish my heart wore them
And at other times, I knit feathers together to dress my heart
Neither work as the heart has fallen in love with abyss
How longs has it been since the poems sounded happy? 
When was the last time the music sounded merry with major chords? 
The clock ticks and the ropes around the heart tighten
How many ore hours left I wonder? 
31 years feels like a long time now, even another minute feels like eons
The anger turns into pain, and pain into anger
Its like a see-saw game, they balance perfectly 
Leaving no chance for others to hop on
I write pages after pages and burn them to ashes
Drink the ashes to strengthen myself
Well someday, someone will disect the heart to understand the stories
There lived once a soul, born to live a painful life and death!