To my dearest friend

 

Le vinipista unda.. can you see me.

I can still feel your beard on my fingers
That weird smile you do when i wake you up for meds
The serious talks on political issues
Random inquiry about my friends and office
About how God wanted things to happen
Giggling at the TV serials and mom's reactions
How you ask me to not serve more food, like a child
How I force you to take a bath
The look on your face while I trim your beard
All worried if I would shave your mustache
Your warm palms I held until a few hours ago
How you would ask for the new paper and whats new about the World

I am sorry for making you angry about food
All I wanted was for you to eat more so that you could stay fit
At times I lost my nerve and got mad at your words
Depression, I could hold you close and not let fall for it
But if I was even an ounce madder at you for no reason, I apologize
All I ever wanted was for you to smile and stay relaxed
I worked hard all my life so that I could bring you joy
Enough joy to make you forget all the hardships
My friend, I am unsure if I was successful
I could not ask you that. I should have asked you if you were happy.

The last few days were difficult
I couldnt see the strong Sudhakar get any weaker
You once told me to write letters to you when I was alone or feeling sad
Now I am bringing back that old tradition from 15 years
Only difference is that you are not here to reply but I will wait
Am glad I was by your side, feeding you, talking to you, joking about things
Holding you in my arms while you were dreaming
I asked you tens fo times what you were seeing
I wish you could talk and tell me if you could see something beautiful
I stayed by your side like I promised till the last breath
You scared me to death when you were not blinking
I was sure you were seeing something
I was scared when you took the last breathe
You scared me. I could feel the pain. I am not able to forget that look.
Can you please come down and hold me close. I am scared. I cant take that image off my head.
Na, all I wanted was to make you happy.
All this knowledge, all for you and you alone

I wanted to take you out after i get my first big pay on a few days
Get you something new to wear
Something that would keep you cool
Couldnt you stick around for a few more days
No matter how much I try my friend, I cant stop from crying
I dont want you to get any sadder but you know I am weak
The feeble child who should be dead long ago
It was your prayer and transformation that kept me alive
I wish I could look into your head and talk once more
Tell you how the work would be and tell you we were going to make things smoother
May be sip a glass of wine and talk.

You know how people would hate me for my punctuality
I would tell then proudly it was my dad who taught me that
I worked hard and put my life into my work just like you said'
I will continue to do so
I will keep writing until I hear from you.
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